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Leading a pastoral visit — on site

During the visit — listening, the word, prayer

Enter, sit down, listen. The word and prayer come afterward — and knowing when to leave is part of knowing how to visit.

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FREN· On site

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At a glance

1

Listen first

The visitor's temptation is to fill the space: to reassure quickly, to teach, to pray in order to close. Resist. Sit down and listen — truly, at length. The person has opened the door of her home to you; she will open the door of her heart only if she senses that you are not rushing off elsewhere. Baxter, who visited all of Kidderminster house by house, said that you teach best a heart you have first heard.

2

The right word — afterward, and measured

Once you have been spoken to, a word may come: a Scripture, not a chapter; a sentence, not a speech. The right word is short, fitted to this person, this day. If you do not know what to say, do not fill the silence: “I have no answer, but I am here” is worth more than a fine, hollow phrase.

3

Pray — short, true, in her words

Offer prayer, do not impose it (“would you like us to pray?”). Pray for this person, taking up what she has just confided to you, in her own words — not an interchangeable formula. A short, heartfelt prayer consoles more than a long, general one.

4

Knowing when to leave

A visit has a right length, and it is shorter than one thinks. The visit that drags on wears out and ends up wearying. Leave while they still wish you would stay, not when they are waiting for you to go. A clean departure, a word of blessing, and you leave the home to its peace.

5

Keeping confidence

Everything said in the person's home stays in the person's home. A confidence is not an anecdote to be passed on, even “to pray about it,” even to your spouse. The day the community learns that a confidence has leaked out from you, no one will open their heart to you again. (See the sheet “The ethics of the visit.”)

What not to do

The six elements of a visit

A complete visit holds together in six gestures — not a checklist, but a framework so that nothing essential is missing.

  1. The Word — read a Scripture, briefly; it gives direction and consoles (Psalm 23:4). Always take your Bible.
  2. Listening — “two ears, a single tongue”: listen more than you speak. To listen is already respect, openness, presence.
  3. A hymn — sing, even softly. It takes people by surprise, but a shared song touches the heart where words do not reach.
  4. Prayer — your most powerful tool. Pray for this person, in your own words, without making it a speech.
  5. The spiritual check — as a physician inquires about symptoms, gently ask after the health of the soul (E. White: the pastor, “physician of the soul”). An open question, never an interrogation.
  6. Presenting a work of the Church — the visit, more than Sabbath morning, is the right moment to invite someone to get involved. Present it as a shared work, not as pressure.

After J. Arrais, “Wanted: A Good Pastor” (GC Ministerial Association, 2011), ch. 8.

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