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Leading a pastoral visit — before you go

Preparing a visit

A visit is no more to be improvised than it is to be scripted. In between: a few minutes that change everything.

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FREN· Before you go

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At a glance

1

Praying before you go

The first preparation is not logistical, it is interior. A few minutes to ask: may this visit serve the person, and not my need to have done well. The pastor who visits to tick a box lets it show; the one who has prayed enters differently. We give well only what we have first received.

2

Knowing why — without making it a mission

Have an intention in mind (to acknowledge, to restore, to encourage…) — one of the six purposes. But hold it loosely. The reason you came is often not the one the person needs. Arrive with a bearing, not a script: if she takes you elsewhere, follow her.

3

Finding out without spying

Knowing the situation helps you avoid wounding (a recent bereavement, an illness, a family tension). But there is a line: what serves love, yes; what feeds curiosity, no. Do not go looking for what you have no business knowing. And what you learn on one side is not replayed on the other.

4

Choosing the moment, announcing your coming

Except in an emergency, let them know. A call, a note: “may I come by?” Let the person say no, or “not today.” The surprise visit flatters the visitor and discomfits the visited. To respect his time is already to respect him.

5

Taking little

A Bible. Time you do not count. That is almost everything. Leave outside: the crowded agenda, the phone switched on, the glance at the clock, and the idea that you must “succeed” at something. A successful visit is often one in which nothing happened — except that you were there.

What not to do

Seven practical rules

Before you knock, one prerequisite: take your own spiritual inventory and pray — for yourself and for the family you are about to see. Then, in the field, seven simple rules.

  1. Make a plan — plan to visit every family; failing to plan is planning to fail.
  2. Visit by neighbourhood — you save time and money.
  3. Never go alone — and never alone with a person of the opposite sex.
  4. Have a plan B — when the visit is impossible, a call, a message.
  5. Keep the visit short — better that they regret your leaving than your presence.
  6. Offer something — a small gesture, when possible.
  7. Break the ice — begin by taking an interest in what they are going through, not with your agenda.

After J. Arrais, “Wanted: A Good Pastor” (GC Ministerial Association, 2011), ch. 8.

Suggestion