The eulogy honours a life: true, concrete, short. No hagiography and no awkward revelations.
The sermon comforts and hopes: a text → death faced → the hope of the resurrection → a gentle invitation.
Realistic AND full of hope· never one without the other.
Brief. One does not preach long in front of a coffin.
A little warmth, even tender humour in the eulogy, eases the tension.
The eulogy · honouring a life
Gathered at the preparation visit (see “Preparing the Service”). It pays tribute without flattering and without betraying.
What it contains
Who he was: one or two true traits, not a list of dates. What those close to him want to remember.
Concrete facts: a scene, a saying, a characteristic gesture · the concrete touches more than general praise.
His bonds: what he was to his own, his faith if it was lived.
A shaft of light: a happy memory, sometimes a smile · this “helps ease the tension”.
Telling the eulogy from the obituary
L'obituary gives the facts (dates, survivors, a few markers). The eulogy is the living memory. They may be combined or kept apart ; they may be carried by someone close rather than by you.
Pitfalls of the eulogy
l'hagiography: making a saint of a man · no one believes it, and it rings false ;
the awkward revelation: a private detail, an estrangement, a truth that wounds those present ;
the length: the eulogy that never ends ;
the catalogue: dates and titles without an ounce of life ;
speaking of the deceased as if he were already in heaven watching you(it betrays the hope of the resurrection).
The funeral sermon · comforting and hoping
Short, anchored in a text, “realistic about death and full of hope for the resurrection”. It is neither a doctrine class nor an evangelistic meeting.
An outline in four movements :
A text· one only, fitted to the kind of grief (see the list in “Walking with Grief”). Read it; do not pile texts up.
Death faced· name the loss, without dressing it up. Death is the enemy (1 Cor 15:26). You do not comfort by denying the pain.
The hope of the resurrection· the heart of the message: the deceased sleeps; Christ will return; the dead in him will rise (1 Thess 4:13-18). The hope carried, not hammered.
A gentle invitation· turn the living toward the One who comforts, without pressure and without guilt. Open a door; do not force a decision.
The tone
Speak for this family, not for the congregation in general. Make it personal (the name, the story). Stay brief · emotion exhausts attention. A line of poetry or a verse can close it rightly.
Pitfalls of the sermon
l'heavy evangelism that uses the grief ;
promising heaven at once(“he is already with the Lord tonight”) · contrary to the state of the dead ;
the cold generalities with not one word for this particular person ;
the a doctrine class on the soul or on spiritism over the coffin ;
the length· the most frequent, and the most forgivable to avoid.
A model sermon · but NOT a funeral sermon.
“ When Heaven Is Silent ” (Ps. Ah Kiune Hughes) · the widow of Zarephath and the pain that has no words left. To be read as a model of preaching on suffering : one single great idea, the testimonial anchor, the Hebrew exegesis, and the cardinal distinction ·God is not the author of your pain, but He enters into it.
What forbids preaching it as it stands at a funeral : it runs 45 minutes(a funeral sermon is brief) ; it ends with an appeal(one does not make an appeal in front of a coffin) ; and it promises that “ the jar fills up ” after the act of faith · a promise that is right on Sabbath, and cruel before a mother who has just lost her child.Take its theology and its structure; never its format.