Before death there is the dying · and a family already in grief. The first pastoral act is played out at the bedside.
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Death remains the enemy (1 Corinthians 15:26), never a “friend” nor a plan of God. But for the one who dies in Christ, it is only a sleep until the resurrection at the Lord’s return. Your presence at the bedside does not “prepare” a soul to go up to heaven: it walks a child of God toward rest, in the hope of the waking.
Anointing is not the last rites. The Minister’s Handbook is plain: “Anointing is not a last rite to bless the dying, but an act of faith to heal the living.” There is no mystical power in the oil. If the sick person or the family asks for it, it is done as an act of trust in God · not as a last-minute ritual administered to an unconscious person to “secure” his salvation. That would betray both the doctrine and the meaning of the act.
The dying person hears. A study of palliative-care patients (UBC /Scientific Reports, 2020) showed, by electroencephalogram, that the auditory system of patients who had become unresponsive was still answering sounds, within hours of the end. Hearing is most likely the last sense to fade. The handbook already said it out of pastoral wisdom: “though there may be no signs of recognition, they may be able to understand what is being said in the room.” The direct consequence: never discuss the illness, the death or the inheritance “over” the sick person. Speak to him.
The family is already grieving. Anticipatory grief begins before death. At the bedside you are walking with two realities at once: the one who is leaving and those who remain. Notice who needs to speak, who needs silence, who is exhausted, who does not dare come near.
Culture shapes everything: where the body is placed, who keeps watch, what is said or kept silent in front of the children. Observe before you impose.
“Total pain” (Cicely Saunders, founder of palliative care). The suffering of the dying is never only physical : it is also emotional(fear, sadness, anger), social(bonds, dependence, matters to settle) and spiritual(meaning, faith, peace with God and with those around). Look at all four faces · relieving the pain of the body alone is not enough.
The states of the dying (Elisabeth Kübler-Ross · kept in her right place). Facing his own death, a person may pass through denial, anger, bargaining, dejection, acceptance.But : not in that order, not necessarily, never as a checklist. It is here, with the dying, that this model gives light ·not with the bereaved afterwards (see the sheet “Walking with Them After the Funeral”). It serves you to understand, never to label.
Be present. The heart of the spiritual accompaniment of the dying is active listening: listening with compassion, without judging, in order to understand· not to “solve”. To “sit with” and to “witness” the suffering comforts more than any explanation.
If the person is not a believer, or of another faith, his reluctance is to be respected : we do not impose our beliefs. A loving presence bears better witness than a speech.