Before any technique, before any word, there is a disposition of the heart. To listen is not to wait for your turn to speak: it is already to love.
FREN· The foundation · read this before all else
Before it is a pastoral skill, listening is the posture of the creature before its Creator. “Hear, O Israel” (Deuteronomy 6:4) — the first commandment is not “do,” but “hear.” The cosmos itself is called to fall silent before God. Whoever has never learned to listen to God will not truly listen to people. Listening to another flows from listening to God — it is the same gesture, turned toward a face.
Outward silence is the easier one, and even it is not a given. Do not interrupt. Do not finish the other's sentences. Do not prepare your reply while he is still speaking. Leave a pause after he has finished — often it is in that pause that the essential comes, what he did not dare to say. “If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame” (Proverbs 18:13).
Inner silence is the real battle. While the other speaks, your mind judges, compares, hunts for the solution, grows bored, thinks ahead. That inner noise keeps you from hearing. To truly listen is to silence, within yourself, the fixer, the judge, the hurried one — so that room is left where the other can exist. It is a spiritual discipline, not a natural gift: it is trained, like prayer.
The constant temptation is to categorise: “I know the type,” “this is a case of…”. Resist. The other is not a file or a profile — he is a mystery who tells himself in his own words. Receive his definition of himself before imposing yours. To listen is to accept not knowing in advance who the one you are listening to is, and to let him reveal himself.
You are not there to solve the other's problem — you are there to be with him inside it. Presence comes before, and often replaces, the solution. Much of what is brought to you is not waiting for an answer: it is waiting for a witness. The worst thing a listener can do is turn a confidence into a problem to be handled. Stay. Accompany. The solution, if it comes, will come from the other — not from you.
Authentic ministry comes from within. It flows neither from a position nor from a diploma: it reflects the essence of your life. It is less what you do than who you are — your God-given identity.
Your first calling: to nurture your own heart and spiritual vitality. This is the foundation of both your life and your ministry. Before listening to others, let God live in you.
All genuine leadership begins with desperation: acknowledging that we are helpless sinners in need of a Savior. That desperation leads to surrender — and to freedom.
After J. Arrais, “Wanted: A Good Pastor” (GC Ministerial Association, 2011), ch. 1.